Kaiba

In a setting where memories are stored inside a chip people can switch bodies and continue to live on indefinitely. As well as replace memories with new ones that were purchased from other people. Few can take advantage of this because the technology is only accessible to the wealthy.  Sometimes the poor have to sell their memories and even their very own bodies in order make ends meet and hope that one day their family can afford to place their memory chip inside a new body. A girl named Chroniko sells off her body to help her aunt who adopted her after her own mother died. Unfortunately the operation was carried out by a corrupt doctor who decided not to send her chip home to her family (most likely so he could sell her memories). After a turn of events her body becomes inhabited by the protagonist who inserted his memory chip into her "empty" head

In this pivotal scene Chroniko's adoptive mother plays a musical number and remembers all of the times she had together with her family. The performance comes to an abrupt halt as the guilt becomes too much to bear and the realization of what has been taken from her hits her with uncompromising finality. A truly heart wrenching scene made all the more so by the stark contrast of the happy little clavier. I don’t know if I should consider myself fortunate for being able to steel myself against such a scene by donning the armor of an unfeeling brute. In spite of all that this scene has left an everlasting impression on me. 

Because real art should bring people to their knees. 

Sunk into punk

Lately I have taken a liking to the Distillers. Particularly their album “Coral Fang.” My lofty tastes have given me a penchant for the harpsichord and organ. Those sanctifying and revitalizing spirits have become my draughts of choice (d’va;;;;;;;;5, Moi Dix Mois, and Kokuyasou to name a few). So it came as a surprise when the Distillers began to grow on me. Brody Dalle has a voice that seizes you by your very own innards. I can see how it can be mistaken for brash fury but, this is tempered with that dejected defiance made palpable by the best punk music. It is as despondently cathartic as the outpourings of a drunkard singing his laments to an empty alley. I look forward to hearing what the rest of the punk genre is able to provide. 

Happy birthday

Well today I turned thirty. I felt the occasion called for me to write something reflective but why did it have to take this birthday for me to do it? I could just as easily have done so two and a half years ago one evening. The only difference is just the passage of time. It’s not like by the dint of this arbitrary milestone I reached some higher plane of existence. Some feel pressured to justify or vindicate themselves in some fashion to account for any lost time. I divorced myself from such sentimental nonsense, so I am fortunate to not feel pressured to justify my existence to a world that is indifferent to my passing. Why should we even care that we “lost time” when the scope of that concept is limited to just “opportunities that slipped from our fingers” and does not take into account the burdens we inherit from everything we acquire? I will admit, my difficulties and emotionally crippling incompetence could have something to do with me adopting such a nihilistic outlook; it’s easier to forgive yourself when you focus on just how shitty and rigged the game is. At least I am self-aware and honest enough to own up to that possibility.

Despite having a personally vested interest in remaining tepid I decided to cast the house's loaded dice, all in the spirit of today. Knowing that today is just another day like all the ones before it should not interfere with any effort to consolidate my years. Western intellectualism demands that we employ only truth and reason in all things. Well then tell me this. If you explain to a man that is intent on drinking himself to death that his anguish is in reality caused by some sort of serotonergic/dopaminergic dysfunction, damage to the hippocampus, or a problem with his brain’s reward center, is that going to really lift his spirits? To be fair, it could set him on the right direction to getting the right medical help he needs. The point though is to illustrate that it is not just a question of truth but what we really need to persist in life. The placebo effect is a powerful enough force that pharmacological studies must always take it into account. It is the power of belief that drives men to obstinately push forward in the face of futility. That and an effective use of neurotransmitters.

So I started remembering why I originally set out to pursue a degree in electrical engineering. It was all because of Ghost in the Shell. I want to help make cyborgs a reality. Maybe even make an army of them and bring this world to its knees. Despite being forced to acknowledge that I lack the talent and working memory to become a contributing force I have no choice but to push forward. I started this madness, I might as well see it through to the bitter end. It would seem that all I am capable of bringing to the table is just hopeless obstinance and grim determination.  

So all in all happy birthday to me.