Noonaut space monkey

So far it has been a week since I started my daily intake of noopept and alpha gpc. In case you are all unfamiliar with nootropics, they are cognitively enhancing substances. Think of them as a sort of brain supplement. Despite having hopes of developing an acumen which allows me to engage in intellectual banter with the likes of the Ultra-Humanite and Beast, I had no delusions about what my little cocktail can achieve. From what I gathered from neuroscience articles, the physical layout of our minds, neurotransmitters and all, plays a pronounced role in both the cultivation of our intellect as well as its potential. What is more disconcerting is that our own drive and will can be tied closely to genetics. It takes so little, just a slight hormonal imbalance, to reduce a Fields Medal holder to a drooling imbecile. A rather grim outlook to have for our prospects. If it is any consolation, I am an optimist on this issue. I consider our physical makeup to be only half of what is essential in developing our mental prowess. The other is just pure effort and will. Such a sentiment amounts to nothing more than wishful thinking.

Before I started taking this nootropic stack, I was constantly entrenched in a mental fog on account of my self-diagnosed ADD. My mind was constantly in two places at once. It made navigating the course of my day into a distressful, frustrating, and disappointing endeavor (as if it wasn’t already). Even after taking my very first dose I felt an unfamiliar sense of clarity. I have become so accustomed to my frequent meanderings that being separated from them has left me with a type of superstitious dread. That as I become more and more of a rational organism I become less and less of a feeling one. I was correct in attaching the label of “superstitious” to this type of separation anxiety that is reminiscent of the hokey drivel of a Saturday morning cartoon.

For one thing though, my stack does not remove the malaise but, it does blunt it very well. The liquor of disillusionment that I so freely drink from made languishing in my room a necessity, all so that I may soothe my nerves. This has become less of a necessity. I can now attest to noopepts effectiveness as an anxiolytic. Unfortunately my schoolwork has become more of a test of will than before. I am confident that this is just a rough transition that comes from starting a new semester. Now that I have regained the kinetic potential that comes from focus I must dig deep and find the will to sustain momentum.

Sartre and Camus Came to Me in a Séance

This pervasive and deeply rooted nervous dread that seeps into my every waking moment is something that I have learned to live with. I believe that it is simply the human condition, the existential predicament if you will. A sort of nagging ball of doubt that forces us to recognize that our lives are slipping away with every passing moment. We all adjust in our own manner or, quite literally, die trying. The most common panacea is religion but those of us with a constitution not suited for this prescription have to search doggedly for a different remedy. Whether it be vice, asceticism, or throwing ourselves into some sort of “fruitless endeavor.” A term which I use loosely given the utterly elusive nature of value judgments. The list goes on and on but in the end all of these remedies amount to nothing more than a placebo. For no matter what, we are all burdened with having to tolerate ourselves.  We can only exist in a detached stupor for so long. Even the most ideal paradise can grow boring and cause us to yearn for anything else so long as it is different.  

This chilling reflection was written during my meditation session. I find it comedic that coming to touch with my very center (which as you can tell is overly romanticized) gave rise to this fiendish little affront to decency. If this is what “detachment from self” truly is, then most of us would be far better off not coming anywhere near it. But, I suspect that this is all just the very first step toward “enlightenment.” If only I can find the nerve to put the next foot forward.

I will let you know that this was all written spontaneo. Whether that adds or detracts from it, I cannot say.